Ok so I have been increasingly grouchy for the last little while. I have some very good reasons. Some of which I can talk about here some of which probably would not serve my best interest to talk about. I guess as a grown person I should just pull up my socks and suck it up! Hmmm? Isn’t that what everyone would tell me? Wait, why do I have to suck it up and be the grown-up when so many around me don’t and I have to make up for it…… Oh really don’t get me started, I could talk about this for 15000 words and 75 posts! Again I will just close my mouth, take what I am given, do what everyone needs and smile while doing it. After all isn’t that the roll I play in all aspects of my life? It’s just easier that way than dealing with the anxiety that comes with anything else! A friend was telling me yesterday that her son was discharged from a boy’s home and she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown because she cannot handle him and is getting no help from anyone. I don’t know how she does it. Single Mom. Three kids, deadbeat ex….. I once told her that she was my hero for keeping everything together and laughing while doing it. I know there are worse things that could happen to me. I should be grateful that I have food on my table, a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, I have work, I am loved and I have the luxury of pets and a car, I can pay my bill and have a little left over to go out for dinner or buy a pair of earrings every once in a while. Wow most of you are saying, isn’t that what we all have? NO! There are people out there that have their own home. Have nicer cars than me. Can buy what they want when they want. I want that, just once, I want that! I want a job where I am not reporting to everyone in the office. I want to be mentally sound enough to let go of things. I want, I want, I want….. I know there are children in Ethiopia who are starving…. There are people in Canada who don’t have what I have and I am complaining that I want more. I frankly don’t care. For once I WANT TO CARE ABOUT ME!!!!! Not James, not work, not Brody, not Ethiopia, not homelessness. ME!!!!!!!! I spend my entire life doing things for EVERYONE ELSE! Yes I know you are going to say well you set it up that way. That way you have control over everything. Well yes you are very correct. I like the control it helps with my anxiety. However it is exhausting. However either way I am exhausted from controlling or from my anxiety. So all in all if comes back to my Mental Health status again! Still taking my Celexa. It helps, it really, really helps! I practice my CBT. But when all of my factors come together the OCD with the BPD with the depression sometimes the whole world is just too much! I have a life line though…. They are furry, two meow and one barks REALLY loud like! Connie and Ali are 12 they have been through this with me many, many times. Brody is new to is and picks up on it. I am sure it is my energy that keeps him in his perpetual manic state! If it was not for my little ones I would still be in bed sleeping off the fact that my life crashed and burned in 2005. They were there, company while I spent three months at home on the couch and feeling sorry for myself. They were there every morning to say “Get up, we need breakie! No no lying in bed is not an option; we can’t feed ourselves you know!? If it was not for them, I would not have made it through. They are my life line. They sat with me when I cried, they slept with me when I needed to sleep, and they woke me when I needed to be awake! After my Dad died I wrote a story about my cat Billy and him. Check it and some other inspirational stories of animals in this book. http://www.angelanimals.net/angelanimalsinspiration.html The Andersons have a whole series of books and are inspirational to anyone who loves and respects the power of animals! Check out their website. You can subscribe to their newsletter http://www.angelanimals.net/welcome.html and maybe even make your own contribution to their next book. They are always asking for new stories! Have a great day. James is off all week-end this week-end and well it is going to be nice to spend some time with him. We have a housewarming party on Saturday night and we have dedicated a little time to planning for the future! Hmmm! Wish us luck! How was everyone’s Father’s Day last week-end. I spent it at a friends Jewelry party….