Category Archives: Centre for Addiction and Mental Health
So I have noticed over the last… oh life time… there are FAR too many people out there concerned with what other people have and what other people are doing. They are so concerned that it takes up their every thought and soon they become horribly caught up in measuring themselves, what they have, what they want, including their family, against everyone they come in contact with and what they have, want and their family!
Once they start doing that they somehow convince themselves that EVERYONE has, more, bigger, better that they have and they become incensed, feel that there is some kind of injustice happening to them and create in their brain a complex by which they feel that they are hard done by and that someone owes them something.
Well I have to admit I used to be like that. When I first joined Facebook and hooked back up with some friends, I certainly felt like well… They had houses, they were happily married, they had beautiful children, they had THE LIFE.
Hmmm. Sometimes pictures are a little deceiving.
Then I told myself that I needed to stop worrying about what everyone else has, is doing, looks like, acts like and I HAVE to be happy to be me.
- A gorgeous boyfriend who loves me and treats me like a Princess.
- A handsome dog who is healthy and worships the ground I walk on.
- Two cats that at 13 still act like kittens.
- Grandparents who took me in at my darkest moment and have been a god send in my entire life.
- Jennifer and Randy who saved my life.
- My sister and mother.
- Diane and Dean who have known me and seen me through.
- My family here and overseas.
- A great job that pays my bills.
- A place to lay my head every night.
- Doctor’s to keep my head straight.
- School to learn from.
- My beloved iPhone.
- My volunteering.
- TV and a PVR!!!!!!!!
- I could go on and on and on.
I love my life. I love my little family. I love my extended family. I love my job. I love my friends (old/new/online/in person).
I am just happy to be me. Once I stopped caring about what others had and looked at what I have and looked to me for happiness, my life changed and I was happy.
I saw the good in things I had “hated” before. I am for once content.
I still want a house to have my own space and well if someone wanted to give me a million dollars I would not say no….
Think about it. Are you truly happy or are you measuring yourself against someone else and making yourself unhappy?
I would love to hear your comments.
And now…. Something to make you laugh!
It has been a very long hard road.
I once was a very passionate Animal welfare, rights, etc… I won’t say activist, but I wasn’t scared to voice my opinion and make others see my point of view.
I have slowly seen myself come back to being who I was (I will never be the same!) James came into my life, I got my job at CAMH, I got my head straight with the help of a Doc and some meds, I went back to school, I got my doggie….
But most of all I have noticed lately I am getting back to that outspoken stage when it comes to animals.
This is how I know that I am almost there!
I can’t name every one that helped me… Jennifer and Randy! Wow would would I have done with out you! Robynne, you bailed my ass out a number of times, James love you forever, Nan and Gramps for taking me in when I was a ball of crying nothing, Mom and Bren for everythign they did… All of those who went through the same thing I did… You all know who you are… We are all forever linked even if we don’t want to be…. All of my friends that stayed with me even when I said no to your 17th invite to going out because I would rather wallow on my couch. To my family who are mostly just as crazy as I am!
It was my love for animals that brought me to the place that was in, it was my love for my animals that got me through the state I was in and it is the return of my love and fight for animals that lets me know I am allllllright!
Life is really OK!
“An animal’s eyes have the power to speak a great language.” ~ Martin Buber
“We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.” ~ Immanual Kant
“My little dog — a heartbeat at my feet.” ~ Edith Wharton
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.” ~ Hazel Nicholson
“The purity of a person’s heart can be quickly measured by how they regard animals” ~ Anonymous
“Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes!” ~ Theophile Gautier
“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” ~ Roger Caras
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.” ~ Wesley Bates
“You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us” ~ Robert Louis Stevenson
“A dog is the only thing on earth that will love you more than you love yourself.” ~ Josh Billings
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” ~ Anatole France
“Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to.” ~ Joe Gores
“A canter is the cure for all evil.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli
“Dogs have owners, cats have staff.” ~ Anonymous
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” ~ Ann Landers
“In the beginning, God created man, but seeing him so feeble, He gave him the cat” ~ Warren Eckstein
“A house is not a home without a pet.” ~ Anonymous
“I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.” ~ Jean Cocteau
“If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans” ~ James Herriot
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” ~ Ben Williams
“A dog maybe a man’s best friend but a horse made history…” ~ Anonymous
“No heaven will not ever Heaven be;
Unless my cats are there to welcome me.” ~ Anonymous
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” ~ Sue Murphy
“To err is human, to forgive, canine” ~ Anonymous
“To err is human, to purr, feline” ~ Robert Byrne
“A horse gallops with his lungs,
Perseveres with his heart,
And wins with his character.” ~ Tesio
“A Horse! A Horse! my kingdom for a horse!” ~ Shakespeare
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.” ~ Samuel Butler
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!'” ~ Dave Barry
“There is nothing in which the birds differ more from man than the way in which they can build and yet leave a landscape as it was before.” ~ Robert Lynd
“The dog was created especially for children. He is the God of frolic.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher
“The Cat. He walked by himself, and all places were alike to him.” ~ Rudyard Kipling
“If I have any beliefs about immortality it is that certain dogs I know will go to heaven, and very very few people.” ~ James Thurber
“A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.” ~ Samuel Butler
“I’ve met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.” ~ Hippolyte Taine
“Every boy should have two things: a dog, and a mother willing to let him have one” ~ Anonymous
“Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled” ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky
“A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue.” ~ Anonymous
“The dog represents all that is best in man.” ~ Etienne Charlet
“The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp.” ~ John Berry
“And God took a handful of southernly wind, blew His breath over it and created the horse.” ~ Bedouin Legend
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” ~ Andrew A. Rooney
“A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.” ~ Chinese Proverb
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.” ~ Mary Bly
“Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.” ~ George Elliot
“The Trouble with a kitten is
Eventually it becomes a
~ Ogden Nash
“The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too.” ~ Samuel Butler
“I care not for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.”
~ Abraham Lincoln
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because you lap is warmer.” ~ Alfred North Whitehead
“…he will be our friend for always and always and always.” ~ Rudyard Kipling
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.” ~ Thornton Wilder
“When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her.” ~ Montaigne
Ok so I have been increasingly grouchy for the last little while. I have some very good reasons. Some of which I can talk about here some of which probably would not serve my best interest to talk about. I guess as a grown person I should just pull up my socks and suck it up! Hmmm? Isn’t that what everyone would tell me? Wait, why do I have to suck it up and be the grown-up when so many around me don’t and I have to make up for it…… Oh really don’t get me started, I could talk about this for 15000 words and 75 posts! Again I will just close my mouth, take what I am given, do what everyone needs and smile while doing it. After all isn’t that the roll I play in all aspects of my life? It’s just easier that way than dealing with the anxiety that comes with anything else! A friend was telling me yesterday that her son was discharged from a boy’s home and she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown because she cannot handle him and is getting no help from anyone. I don’t know how she does it. Single Mom. Three kids, deadbeat ex….. I once told her that she was my hero for keeping everything together and laughing while doing it. I know there are worse things that could happen to me. I should be grateful that I have food on my table, a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, I have work, I am loved and I have the luxury of pets and a car, I can pay my bill and have a little left over to go out for dinner or buy a pair of earrings every once in a while. Wow most of you are saying, isn’t that what we all have? NO! There are people out there that have their own home. Have nicer cars than me. Can buy what they want when they want. I want that, just once, I want that! I want a job where I am not reporting to everyone in the office. I want to be mentally sound enough to let go of things. I want, I want, I want….. I know there are children in Ethiopia who are starving…. There are people in Canada who don’t have what I have and I am complaining that I want more. I frankly don’t care. For once I WANT TO CARE ABOUT ME!!!!! Not James, not work, not Brody, not Ethiopia, not homelessness. ME!!!!!!!! I spend my entire life doing things for EVERYONE ELSE! Yes I know you are going to say well you set it up that way. That way you have control over everything. Well yes you are very correct. I like the control it helps with my anxiety. However it is exhausting. However either way I am exhausted from controlling or from my anxiety. So all in all if comes back to my Mental Health status again! Still taking my Celexa. It helps, it really, really helps! I practice my CBT. But when all of my factors come together the OCD with the BPD with the depression sometimes the whole world is just too much! I have a life line though…. They are furry, two meow and one barks REALLY loud like! Connie and Ali are 12 they have been through this with me many, many times. Brody is new to is and picks up on it. I am sure it is my energy that keeps him in his perpetual manic state! If it was not for my little ones I would still be in bed sleeping off the fact that my life crashed and burned in 2005. They were there, company while I spent three months at home on the couch and feeling sorry for myself. They were there every morning to say “Get up, we need breakie! No no lying in bed is not an option; we can’t feed ourselves you know!? If it was not for them, I would not have made it through. They are my life line. They sat with me when I cried, they slept with me when I needed to sleep, and they woke me when I needed to be awake! After my Dad died I wrote a story about my cat Billy and him. Check it and some other inspirational stories of animals in this book. http://www.angelanimals.net/angelanimalsinspiration.html The Andersons have a whole series of books and are inspirational to anyone who loves and respects the power of animals! Check out their website. You can subscribe to their newsletter http://www.angelanimals.net/welcome.html and maybe even make your own contribution to their next book. They are always asking for new stories! Have a great day. James is off all week-end this week-end and well it is going to be nice to spend some time with him. We have a housewarming party on Saturday night and we have dedicated a little time to planning for the future! Hmmm! Wish us luck! How was everyone’s Father’s Day last week-end. I spent it at a friends Jewelry party….
Can you believe that Rogers still has not turned off my phone? That’s alright ’cause man are they gonna hear it in their retail outlet tomorrow when I march in with my damned modem that costs all of the $3 and if they wanted it back so badly could they not have sent someone to get it?
Anyway, what a beautiful day it was today. I spent most of it inside my office! ARG! Oh to be independently wealthy. Notice I don’t say Oh to not have to work. One of those things that freaks me out you know the “be careful what you wish for moments….” It’s not that I don’t want to work it is that I want to be able to choose when I want to work! Does that make sense?
So tomorrow is my exam for my Codependency as an Addiction course. So far I have 100% on the paper sooooo….. I have to maintain that perfect streak. Once this is done it is off to Cults and Terrorism. Then Criminal Psychology 2 and guess what I am dunzie! Finished, Fineto. Then I am tossing up a certificate in the Study of Thanology…. What’s that you ask? The study of death. From counselling the dying and their families to learning how each culture, religion etc, see, embrace, deal with etc death! Veryyyyy interesting no? Well to some! Don’t forget I worked in a funeral home for a time. I actually really liked it! It is not for everyone I know. Or the toss up is do I do that or do I continue on for the rest of the Psych BA? Maybe I wanna break from that for a while. Not sure. MAYBE I will save the money I have been spending on school and do something substantial with it like… I dunno pay my car of faster…. Get an apartment? Whatcha think? Is school a better bet? Where’s it gonna get me? To practice at all as a councillor you have to have AT LEAST a Masters, I am not sure I could afford that…. You have to be independently wealthy for that I am sure. So what do I do with the stuff I have been studying? Keep it in my head and be content to know that I know what I know? What an intellectual I have become! Arg! Never thought that would happen.
Anyway, got passed over for a job this week, although it actually did go to the best person for it, but had a great Performance Review. Feeling a little better about it all.
Going to the doc next week, to see about this cloud that’s been over my head for a while. I know what it is and I know what happens if I don’t do something about it. So nipping that in the bud! http://www.depression.com/depression_animation.html?content=understanding
James is out with his little friends again, just as he is every Friday night so here I sit blogging!
Anyway! Doggie needs to go to the Pee Pee. So see ya tomorrow after my exam! K?
Have a good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite!
Just what is it? Is it contagious and how do you get rid of it?
It is something that I live with everyday! Something that grips me. Something that affects where I go. Something most will never understand.
James wants to go to Wal-Mart…. This should be no problem right? Unless you are not a big-box store shopping kind of person, but for me… This sends me into a full on thought process plan… Which one? If we go here there is an escalator, I can’t go there, and I can’t go on the escalator. If we go here, we will have to walk a long way through the parking lot and if it snows it will be slippery and I may fall on…..
Did I lock the door? Did I clip the leash on the dog properly? Did my boss look at me funny? What if I trip when I am walking the dog and can’t get up and then he gets away and I never find him again? What if we are driving to the cottage and break down and hillbillies come upon us and kidnap us……
You are laughing now right? “Come on!” You are saying…. No one thinks those things! That is just stupid! Well I am afraid to tell you… That is the running commentary in my head ALL OF THE TIME! I don’t have an ability to see that the best possible outcome can sometimes happen, or even the middle of the road possible outcome also sometimes happens. My brain automatically goes to the worst possible out come there is. I escalate through the process to the end in seconds sometimes. When this happens it is very hard to deescalate me. It is then full on shaking and crying and pacing and just no ability to settle, until I can see that the world is not going to come to an end! I get nasty and shout, and sometimes just become uncontrollable, because I don’t have the quick response of thinking about the skills I have learned to keep me in the calm state until the situation is over.
If I call James and he doesn’t answer I immediately arrive at “he is dead in a ditch.” If the lights go out while I am watching TV, well there has to be a murderer in the fuse room.
How can someone live like that you ask…. It ain’t easy!
Three sets of appointments each 20 weeks long with an Assessment and Time-limited Therapist, two SSRIs later I try to live SSRI free and using CBT and DBT methods of deescalating my anxiety before it gets to the point of not being de-escalatable! If that is even a word.
If you know us, you will often see me look to James, and in that moment he knows there is an issue and starts the “talking down” process. He is my self proclaimed “ROCK.” With no training, just the knowledge from being with me, his voice and ability to remain ramrod straight and strong in situations that make my head explode, allows me to know that if he is not panicked then I probably don’t have to be. On the other hand if he shows the slightest bit of worry, agitation. Mine mirrors and magnifies about 3000 times!
But what exactly is anxiety….? Have a read this will help you to understand!
What causes it? Read on!
What can you do about it…. Ahhhh! Here is the part I like! Now you will know what CBT and SSRI means!
What can we do for those helpless people who love anxiety ridden folks and are simply caught in the crossfire? This is the most valuable info you will find. I ask myself daily why James puts up with it….? It can’t be easy, it is hard for me and I am the irrational one!
Some more reading on the subject.
A lighter topic tomorrow! I promise!